somewhere over the rainbow

The Suspense is Killing Me ...

2006-08-11T14:03:00.000-07:00

Sooo ... I went to the interview in NY and it all went pretty well. I think I have a fairly decent chance of getting the job. I should know within the week they said and that would mean around this coming Tuesday. The suspense is killing me. I keep checking my phone and email to see if I have any new messages and nothing. Seriously, killing me.

I LOVED Manhatten. I knew I would although I've never been there. And I was right, much to my parents dismay. Yes, they'd prefer for me to stay in Houston at their house, continue working in corporate America with my health benefits and 401k, and go to graduate school and get my MBA. All of that is still possible by the way. In fact the only thing that'd really be different is the living in my parents house in Houston. I just feel like it's where I am supposed to be right now. And I have no reason not to go. If I don't do it now, I never will. So, it's settled. If I get the job, I'm moving to New York City!!!

I'm soo flakey ...

2006-07-19T14:13:00.000-07:00

I am really bad about never finishing things I start, and this blogging thing is no exception. I know I don't have a huge following or anything, but for the like three of you who occasionally read this, I apologize :) Several big events have occurred since my last little posting so I must catch you up.

First of all, my boyfriend and I are no longer together. We broke up about 2 weeks ago now and it is definitely weird. I mean we were together for 5 years (ok it was off and on but none the less it was a long time) and he had really become my other half. To not have that there anymore is just such a lonely feeling. But for now, I think it is the best thing for us and only time will tell how things will work out in the end.

Next big thing is I will be going back to school this fall to get my MBA. If you know me this is just plain funny, and if you don't really know me then sorry, but I'm not explaining why. Point is, I will be stuck in Houston for the next 2 years for sure now (I guess I could always quit and go elsewhere but ya, probably won't) and I still haven't decided how I really feel about that. I mean I've said I don't know how many times I want to go somewhere, anywhere else. Just not be here. But when people ask what I want to do in wherever I say I want to go and the asnwer is - I have NO idea.

And the last exciting thing, is that I had a friend who's friend works at Lord and Taylor in New York as a buyer and gave his people my resume and amazingly enough they called me and want me to come up to meet with them!!!!!!! Now this is huge to me. I mean I won't hold my breath or anything but seriously, this would be sooooo fantastic :)

I'll try and be a better blogger and let you know how things turn out. Till then ...

Niiiice ...

2006-05-10T13:56:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, while meandering through the aisles of chaos at Ross (yes, the discount store on par with TJ Maxx), I noticed a woman with a tatoo on the back of her calves. On one leg, spelled out in a style you might refer to as "Old English", was the word "BAD" and on the other leg, was the word "BITCH". Niiiiice lady, real nice.

My Favorite Holiday

2006-05-05T07:32:00.000-07:00

Cinco de Mayo!!! Ever since I tasted my very first margarita, Cinco de Mayo has been my favorite holiday. It's not like I really need an excuse to eat Mexican food and drink Margaritas (anyone who knows me, knows I do this most nights of the week anyways) but it makes it so much more fun somehow :) Plus, ever since I started working this day job gig, I have really come to appreciate holidays of any sort, for any country, for any reason.

Now, I thought it was necessary to educate those of you who think Cinco de Mayo is just about Margaritas/Mexican Martinis, Corona/Dos Equis, and enchiladas/fajitas (like I did the first time I partook in the festivities), so if you still don't know what Cinco de Mayo is actually all about go here:
http://www.vivacincodemayo.org/history.htm
Now that you know how important the fifth of May is, not only to Mexico but apparently the world, you can get down to the good stuff and why I truly love Mexico - the food and drinks :) Enjoy!

On Adoption ...

2006-05-01T10:55:00.000-07:00

So, this weekend I received a letter from my birth mother and she included some pictures in it. I have seen a picture of her once, but it was from her wedding announcement in the newspaper from 1986 ... not really accurate. The pictures were of her, her husband, and their two children (my half-brother and half-sister I suppose). It was weird because my whole life I have dreamed about and tried to imagine her and what she looked like and suddenly here she was in these photos staring back at me. And honestly, I felt nothing.

I guess I expected it to be kind of overwhelming. The first time I read her letter, and my biological father's letter, I couldn't help but cry and just feel flooded by a rush of all sorts of emotions. But I realized looking at these pictures, these people are alien to me. I don't know anything about them, anything that's happend in their lives. Granted this woman carried me in her belly for 9 months and there is all kinds of research out there about how important that is and what a connection you will forever have with that woman and at times I felt like I did. Or maybe I just really wanted to. But that was it. 9 months is all I never knew the woman who was supposed to be my mother.

Then I looked across the table at the woman who is truly my mother and a flood of emotion did come to me. Because this is the woman who rocked me to sleep at night, who made me chicken noodle soup when I was sick, who played the tooth fairy, who took a zillion pictures of every moment of my life, who was overjoyed and filled with gratitude when she finally held her baby, that she was never able to conceive, in her arms for the first time. And my father who really believed his daughter could be Miss America if she wanted to, who took her to the "Father Daughter Dance", who never wanted her to grow up and get her bellybutton or nose pierced, who hurt everytime she did and was happy everytime she was. These are my parents, biologically or not, so why do these two other people who conceived me matter so much?

My sister who is now 18, has actually met and hung out with her parents. There are some background things you should know first. Jared, 19, and Jill are my youngest two siblings (Grant is 21 and in the middle, and I am the oldest). Jared and Jill are biologically brother and sister as well. Their birth mother had been pregnant 2 times before she had Jared, but got an abortion for both of those. Then she has Jared and a year and 2 months later has Jill. She has 3 other children after that apparently, and I think only one of them is by Jared and Jill's father. Well, Jill has always been the most affected by the whole adoption thing so it wasn't too surprising when she told us she had met them. I haven't really gotten a chance to talk to her about how it was, but I do know that she never considered our parents her "real" parents and she frequently told them this as a child. I could never understand this and I know it hurt my parents to hear her say that in a way I will never know.

They always told us if we wanted to know anything about our birth parents we could and they would do whatever they could to help us. They have always been very open and supportive about it. I don't think I am ready to meet mine yet. Well, I can't meet my father even if I wanted to because he has refused to give me even his name (although he did write me a letter). I think occasional letters are fine for now. Maybe one day, but for right now I think our relationship it too undefineable and too awkward to warrant a meeting of any kind. Plus, she may not even want to meet me so ya there's that too.

Ok, this is getting really long and I need to get back to work ...

I'd rather be ...

2006-04-21T10:39:00.000-07:00

I need a job that will let me wake up to this every morning and that will let this be the last thing I see before I go to bed. Now what kind of job can I get people? Come on, I need some help with this so really, leave some love. Everyone says oh ya thats a good vacation spot. No. Not good enough.

That's the thing with vacations I've noticed. They make you really sad to have to go back to reality, to Houston of all the places. Let's face it - Houston is ugly. It's an ugly, ugly city. Man, that hammock looks so inviting. This is where I pretend to be when I'm at work all day staring at my beige colored cube wall. When I finally get to take some vacation days, this is it. I'm going right there to that hammock. Who's with me???

Baby Rian

2006-04-12T13:06:00.000-07:00

As of April 10, 2006 I am an aunt :) My brother Grant and his girlfriend, Christina, had an 8lb 7oz, 21.5" long, beautiful baby girl named Rian Addison Moore. And of course I'm throwing in a pic of me holding her. I am already totally in love with her, and so is everyone else. For sure, this baby is going to be spoiled rotten. I plan on being the totally cool aunt who is way more hip and much smarter than her lame parents ;)

Now, I just hope Grant gets his act together and is able to provide the kind of life for Rian that my parents provided for us. She deserves it (I mean who doesn't???)

I've also decided that giving birth is just as bad as you thought it was and although I've always said I'm sooo not interested in it, (when the time is right) I sooo am :) It's a truly amazing thing.

Label Junkie/Fake x 5/Do Guys Really Like This?

2006-04-05T11:28:00.000-07:00

Actual girl seen at nail salon:
> Tiffany chain-link necklace
> Bebe sequinned tank
> Pants that spelled out "JUICY" on the (not really so nice) ass
> Coach logo tennis shoes
> Tanned as orange as this font color
> A bottle blonde (obvious from her 2" roots)
> Getting fake nails put on (the really long kind that make you wonder how she does a damn thing with her hands)
> Drinking Starbuck's
I am not kidding.

Now granted, I have my nails done because they are pathetic and do NOT grow by themselves, but I make them look as not fake as possible. Also, I get my hair done to whatever color tickles my fancy at that particular time. It's fun, what can I say. And I'll admit, I feel like I look better when I have some color, but I don't do the bed thing and I am not orange. So point being, these 3 things can be done in good taste, which I think for the most part I manage to do. And then they can be done in an incredibly tacky manner, as said girl has managed to do.

I mean honestly, does anyone really find this look appealing? Tell the truth, you won't hurt my feelings. Maybe I am clueless and missed something. Also, tell me if I do not pull off the nails, hair, tan thing in an appropriate way and am just as disillusioned as label girl.

new job title: interoffice mail girl

2006-03-30T14:22:00.000-08:00

That's right ladies and gents, I have just been promoted to mail girl. You see, a man named Umesh told my supervisor that he didn't see the point of him having to go upstairs and get his own mail. And amazingly enough my supervisor thought this was the perfect task for me. So, now I go upstairs get his mail, take it down to him, give him a dirty look when I drop it off, and walk back upstairs to my cube. Every time I do it, I get very angry, yet there's nothing to be done about it. GRRRRR ...

i heart austin

2006-03-27T14:49:00.000-08:00

SO ... this weekend was sooo much fun :) I went to Austin (which I discovered I painfully miss) on Friday and met up with Sabrina and some old Outback people and we just hung out and played pull and such. Then on Saturday went got a pedicure (finally it was so overdue) and got my hair did (yes I felt totally pampered). Then went to Craig's apartment to watch the 2nd half of the Texas game (so sad) with him, his girl Kasey, Ramein and his girl Tiffany, Matt Taylor, JR, and Aaron whom I haven't seen in what feels like forever. Then that night 2 of my girlfriend's were having a combined bday bash so I got to see that whole group of friends as well.
I dunno, it was just good to be back in ATX and see so many of my friends that I haven't hung out with in months. Unfortunately, it made me realize how much I really do miss Austin. Granted, a lot of that has to do with the people who were there, but I really do LOVE that city.
Now, it's back to work. Which although it's ridiculously boring at times, I'm totally amused that they really pay me as much as they do to do the job that I do. For instance, right now I'm blogging because I've nothing better to do :) It's great. Also of note: I've taken up swimming again. I figure it's the best all over work out you could possibly get, its low-impact, and I LOVE to do it. I hate all other forms of exercise, but swimming I could do for hours. Now I just have to stick to it. No promises, I tend to be flakey.

conflicting emotions

2006-03-13T14:41:00.000-08:00

Well, I have been working at the ol' office for 3 weeks now and I have conflicting emotions as to how I feel about my job thus far.
On the one hand I know it is a cush job and offers lots of nice benefits like paying for grad school. But it's also a job I swore up and down I'd never even consider doing. And I do just sit in my cube and work on the computer for the most part of my day. One day last week on my way home, sitting in almost an hours worth of traffic, I almost started crying because this is exactly what I never wanted my life to be. But then the rational side of Jessica realized unfortunately most of us don't land amazing jobs where we get to travel the world, not be couped up in an office all day, and still make really good money. So I had to pick. I made the choice to take this job for now and in the meantime try to decide what I want to do when I grow up. If i decide I want to teach English in Spain afterall, I can still go do that. Or this job could open up doors for me that could lead to other amazing things. And I'll be getting some good "real world" experience in the meantime.
On to other things besides work.
I finally went camping the other weekend at Enchanted Rock. I've been wanting to go forever and for some reason when I lived in Austin never did. I realized after a good 5 hours of hiking and climbing and then a not-so-good night's sleep on the hard earth floor that I really like civilization :) No, but camping is really fun when you can actually have a fire (burn ban still in effect) and you don't have to hike 2 miles to even get to your campsite (heavy backpack on shoulders for 2 miles = no bueno). Gotta love the views you get on top of that rock though.
Have I mentioned that I'm going to be aunt soon (like April soon)?? Well, I am. My brother Grant is having a baby girl :) Although I am fearful for them (they're a young couple and this wasn't so much in their grand scheme) and the baby I am also really excited to be an aunt! You don't really have to do much like the parents and grandparents do. You're just the aunt who is totally cool :)

cube monkey

2006-02-20T19:58:00.000-08:00

well today was my first big day as a productive member of society. it was, well, rather dull. i'm pretty sure my job is relatively, uhh, pointless. all i keep telling myself is - its not forever. of course i say that now and i really don't want it to turn into forever but sometimes you get caught up in the everyday and forget to really live.
like how i finally got around to writing my biological mother back the other day (its been 2 years since i've heard from her). i sent her some pictures of me and the important people in my life. i didnt read over it once i'd written it for some reason. looking back i probably should have but at the time i was just like get it done, seal the envelope, and drop it in the mailbox. i was too scared to read what i'd said to her for some reason. i did read over the letters her and my birth father had written me. he wrote me a letter first but decided not to tell me his name or anything about himself and instead have the lawyer send a few letters back and forth between us. well i sent him one back but have yet to hear anything back and its been 2 years now.
at first i told myself i understood why he didn't want to tell me. he explained that this whole thing affected more than just me and him (he had a wife and family by now). then i decided that its the LEAST he owed me - a name. thats all i wanted. maybe a picture maybe to hear his reasons why. this was the most selfish cop-out i'd could imagine. blaming his wife for not wanting to come forward. maybe she didnt want to but what right does she have to deny me that. it was all before her and she had nothing to do w. it. they don't realize that i'm not looking to have the mother or father i never had. i had 2 wonderful parents and they could never be replaced. buts its still something i'm curious about and i think i have a right to know it.
i'll let you know if i hear anything either way. and i'll let you know how "my real life office space" goes over the next couple of weeks. have a beautiful day!

oh happy day

2006-02-15T12:28:00.000-08:00

ok so everyone who complains about valentines day being a stupid holiday that hallmark made up just shut up that gets old. granted its dumb but so are pretty much all the other holidays. youre just mad b.c you dont get off work for this stupid holiday. just be glad you have an excuse to go out and eat a nice dinner and get toasty whether its w. your honey or w. your other single friends.
so i got my official offer for work today and it turns out its even more dinero than i thought i was going to get. WOOHOO. i know this might annoy some people b.c i probably dont deserve this much in a field i dont have a degree in but i just shake you haters off. besides now i can buy you a nice drink when we go out or get you a better birthday present. so you should be happy b.c itll all come around anyways.
as a congratulatory treat to myself - im going shopping!!! and now i can afford stuff other than forever 21. sweet.

popping the blogging cherry

2006-02-13T23:20:00.000-08:00

i have to say i never thought id be a blogger. i guess they're right - never say never. so here it is 1.30 in the AM and instead of sleeping like normal folk im up spilling out my thoughts for everyone to read. kind of intimidating.
i start my "real" job monday the 20th so this is my last week of freedom, of being a bum, and it officially seals the deal that college is over and my life is about to change drastically. i am getting paid pretty good to sit in a cubicle but its definitely not where i thought my life would go. i had big hopes of changing the world you know and im slowly beginning to realize thats probably not my humble little life's path this time around. i dont think its going to be so bad if i dont become a superhero afterall though. i'll let you know.